There comes a time when every man or woman stands face-to-face with the challenge of finding a companion. It may happen early or later in life, but whenever you choose to marry, make sure you choose carefully. If you’re also in search of someone ‘marriage material’, it will do you good to know some parameters on how to choose the right life partner. While we agree that a person doesn’t always remain the same, there are some basic checks you must do for a personality check. This is the least you can do to reduce the likelihood of landing in a toxic relationship or unhappy married life.

Tips to choose the right life partner

1. Looks aren’t everything

Yes, everyone likes a handsome husband or partner, but that can’t be the be all and end all. Don’t plainly go by looks. Remember, ‘All that glitters is not gold’! So, when you are looking at the qualities that a perfect life partner should have, look at the overall picture – the personality, the compatibility, the mental wavelength, the similarities, dissimilarities and ideologies. What’s the point of a dashing man if he indulges in verbal bashing? So, make a prudent choice.

2. Decode the behaviour

Long gone are the days that you met your groom after marriage. Use the time period to know your partner optimally. Make sure you get enough time to spend with them to understand their everyday habits. The more time you share together, the deeper will be your understanding about how he or she behaves with you and everybody else around you. This will help you make the right choice about a life partner and set the foundation for a healthy companionship.

3. Watch the etiquette and basic nature

A person’s basic nature never changes. Whether he is calm, angry, dominating, dismissive, passionate, chivalrous, confident or not, are things you should keep an eye on. Pay attention to details during your conversations. See if he asks you about your opinion on a place or menu, how he may behave with restaurant staff, or even you, see how he eats and talks. You need not feel like a detective but only a person married to someone who makes noise while eating can tell you how annoying it can get later in life!

The more you observe, the better it will be for you to choose a right life partner. And don’t just keep this for your first meeting, because that’s when they will be at their best behaviour. Look for consistency or the lack of it in how the person behaves, before taking a call.

4. Find a connect

Striking the right connect with a person who you have to spend your life with is extremely important. You should not have to force conversations with this person. Whether it is food, music, travel, news or views, there should be something that should help you connect. Besides, a healthy relationship is one where both partners are not fearful of expressing their opinions. Communication is the very foundation of a happy relationship.

5. Weigh your similarities and dissimilarities

Haven’t we heard, “opposites attract”. Well, when you choose a right life partner, just make sure you aren’t so different that you stop connecting later in life. Yet, if you’re too similar, that can also spell trouble for the relationship. A marriage should be like fire and ice – if one flares up, the other should douse it. Having some things in common too is good because those are the things you can enjoy together.

Also read: What happens when you’re vegan, and your partner is not?

6. Don’t miss the IQ

The intelligence quotient is an important factor to consider when you’re choosing a perfect life partner. And by that, we don’t mean to say that you check their academic and career record. Well, feel free to do that because financial security is a huge part of marriage, but try not to choose a partner who tries to make you feel like a lesser being in any way. Anyone remotely intelligent will be wiser about it! On another note, you should focus on your own financial independence.

7. Avoid choosing a partner with a stark difference in standard of living

Marriage is said to be a union of families rather than two people. You’ve got to realize that marriage is not just for a few rosy days of the honeymoon period. It’s (mostly) a lifelong matter. So, be wise about the family background and standing of the person. Whether you go into a lower income family or a higher income family, you may face similar challenges in adjusting. If, however, you are ready to take the plunge and your partner is supportive, no matter what, the call should be yours to take!

8. Respect is paramount

All said and done, you can weigh your options all you want, but if a relationship lacks respect, it’s as good as a death trap. You will end up feeling stifled and suffocated. Respect for you, your family, your choices, your ideologies, your priorities are all an important aspect of surviving a marriage. Just never make the choice to be with anyone who looks down upon you because that’s not one of the good qualities of a life partner.

9. What’s the rush?

Hasty decisions may tend to go wrong. But we’e in a country where the ‘marriageable age’ is given undue emphasis. Often, people end up getting stuck in unhappy marriages due to family pressure. There is no hurry to make a decision because marriage, as we said, can be a life-changing decision. Avoid saying “yes” till you are sure he’s the ONE!